Does it sometimes seem like just getting your loved one’s attention anymore can be a major effort? In the early days when you’d just started dating, it seemed like he/she would drop any plans and coming running to be with you. They ignored their old friends, forgot their old interests—in short, made you feel like their whole world revolved around you. Or at least, that you were the most important part of it. But lately you’ve begun noticing a change. Now the initial rush of the romance has settled down, he/she has started returning to those old hobbies. Yesterday you were the top item on their list of things to spend time on. Today you suddenly feel yourself down near the bottom. You wonder: is this normal?

Actually, it seems to be. If you look around you, you’ll see it in the relationships of just about everyone else. Oh sure, those new couples are still clinging all over each other, blissfully unaware of the world around them. But if you take a look at your friends who’ve been together as long as you, they’re in the same boat you are. Of course you envy those newer couples. You wish you could back to those days. And to some degree you can, when you go to lengths to talk with your loved one and to make time for each other. But there will always be a certain amount of competition between you and his/her other interests. And really that’s ok. Everyone has to have other friends and hobbies. It wouldn’t be normal if your loved one’s world did really revolve around only you. Sure, it’d be quite an ego-boost for awhile. But once the new wore off, you’d probably start wondering, “Doesn’t this guy/gal have a life? Am I really all there is?”

As you can probably guess, my husband has his own hobby that can drive me nuts sometimes. I defy anyone to find an activity that’s harder to break in on than video games. He’s got those little headphones on, talking to some other players online. His eyes are glued to the TV and if a fly crawls across the screen, he’s freaking out and going, “Get outta the way, get outta the way! You just killed me!”

Now I fought this video game hobby of his at first. I didn’t like the competition for his time and attention. However, I’ve gradually come to realize that I have my own distractions as well. I don’t sit around focusing all of my attention on him either. I love to shop, love to read and to write. I have the kids and my college classes and plenty of things to do with my friends. The bottom line is: it’s normal—maybe even healthy—for couples who have been together for awhile to go back to whatever outside interests captured their attention before the romance. The important thing is that neither of you get so caught up in those other interests that you aren’t available to your loved one when they need you.

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