At what point do you decide that it is time to end a relationship? Sometimes it easy, there is a specific incident that makes it unacceptable for you to continue being with the person any longer, such as an act of infidelity, or serious physical abuse. At most times it is much more difficult and one may vacillate for months, even years, before one decides to end it. A lot of emotional investment is put into a partnership, and the longer you have been together, the longer it may take to be able to conceive a life beyond it. Yet, even while clinging on one usually knows that it would be better for both of you to make a new start. It is true that to end a long term relationship in a hurry is a foolhardy and immature thing to do. But after one has tried everything and still failed to make it work, the best thing is to go your separate ways.

Now, once you have decided to split, one thing that may hold you back from communicating your decision to your partner, may be the fact that your partner may not be ready for it. Maybe he or she still thinks there is a genuine chance of saving the relationship, or maybe they are just not willing to face facts. In case they believe they have a solution, it is better to give them and your relationship a chance. But if you feel that the break-up is inevitable, then the best thing to do is to be firm about what you want and stick to your decision. For some people it may be easier than for others. While it does credit to your feelings that you want to spare your partner any pain, you may still be envious of the other people who handle themselves gracefully and come out nearly unscathed.

If the other person is emotionally still attached, they are bound to hurt, but in small ways you can make it easier for them. First, don’t add insult to injury. Once you have made your decision, there is no point in recriminations and accusations, which people indulge in when they get defensive. If you believe you are doing the right thing, there is no need to get defensive. Secondly, don’t flaunt your new partner before them. It is not going to do any good to that person’s happiness or self-esteem. Even if you decide to remain friends, give them some time and space away from you. And finally, choose your words carefully. The message you should be sending out is, ‘I am sorry we failed to make it work, but I am glad to have shared a part of my life with you and I wish you all the best.’

Finally, don’t try to do a Rhett Butler. ‘Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!’ may make women swoon in theatres, if you say it to someone in real life, it will only make you look a cad.

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