Sometimes the answer to keeping things running smoothly in a contented relationship can be as simple as a daily compliment. Sound silly? Well, consider this: how often do you receive a compliment about your appearance, talent, or personality? Maybe it’s once a week. If you’re lucky maybe it’s every other day. But think about how those compliments make you feel about yourself. Do they brighten your day? Make you feel more attractive, more intelligent, or maybe just more confident? If the answer is yes, then you must realize that your own words carry that same power to lift someone else’s spirits and to cheer them when they’re feeling down.

This practice works better nowhere else than in a relationship. Maybe we don’t stop to think often enough about the possibility that our spouse or boy/girlfriend needs the same kind of encouragement we give every day to strangers or distant friends. Offering one heartfelt compliment a day to your loved one is certainly a worthwhile goal and promotes greater closeness between you, as well as lifting self-esteem. You may think your partner will simply come to taken it for granted after you’ve been putting this habit into practice for awhile, but the truth is, feeling good about yourself never gets old. Do you get tired of hearing good things about yourself? Probably not. Even if a loved one appears to deny or brush off a compliment (which very few people do) it still affects how they feel about themselves inside, whether they’re aware of it or not. Unconsciously, they’ll build up a sense of being loved and accepted. If you doubt this, try skipping the compliments for a few days. You’ll be surprised at how quickly your loved one will begin displaying disappointment and wondering what they’ve done wrong.

The question of the usefulness of compliments being settled, what constitutes a good compliment? Here are a few elements that ought to factor into every compliment. Sincerity: say it like you mean it. That sounds simple enough, but after awhile you’ll be tempted to fall into repeating the same comments by habit or giving them in a bored, half-interested tone. This suggests that you don’t really mean them. Unique: pick something special or different about your loved one to compliment, something that proves you know them well enough to notice what others might not. Deep: think below the skin. Although compliments on appearance are all very well, you’d be surprised how grateful a person will be to be complimented on something more rare and personal—cleverness or talent, for example. People also like to be appreciated for their hard work or their helpful attitude. These are just a few ideas to get you started, but as with anything else, your own imagination and creativity are what really produce the desired results.

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