On the first few dates you step out on, if you don’t know your date well there are probably specific things you have in mind that you’re hoping to learn about him by the end of the night. At this stage you’re still measuring each other up, still trying to figure out whether there could be a relationship here worth pursuing. It doesn’t sound very romantic, I know, the idea of approaching a date with that kind of goal. But the truth is there’s nothing wrong with this. It makes sense to want to know early on what you’re getting into. And let’s face it.

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Is there someone out there for everyone? Are we made in pairs? Is someone waiting for you? To find them? To make them complete? I grew up believing that there is. Whether it was the influence of fairy tales or my own faith in the power and purpose of love, I always believed that finding the other half of me is but a happy eventuality of my life. But like with all beliefs, somewhere down the line, doubts set in. Is it just a tale made up as a prelude to those happy-ever-after stories? Are we really lucky enough to be half of a wonderful, unbelievably magical whole?

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If you went into a first date with a set list of goals to accomplish, or even if your goal was to have no goals, you still usually have a pretty good idea by the end of the outing whether or not it met up to your expectations. Sometimes you know immediately that you had a terrible time. Maybe something went awfully wrong, maybe your date was a jerk, etc. Just as likely, however, you may have come home walking on air. Maybe the date was a dream. You had a great time, the person you were out with seems to be everything you’d hoped for, and it all went perfectly.

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As much thought as people put into a first date—what to wear, where to go, and how to act, it seems reasonable to put an equal amount of consideration into what goals you hope to accomplish by the end of that date. Below are a few ideas of what I consider to be some important goals to aim toward by the end of a first date.

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In choosing your ideal partner, there are a number of factors to be considered. It isn’t so much a matter of choosing how datable any given person might seem, but of deciding whether that person is the right choice for you in particular. Plenty of single men and women out there are nice, intelligent, and loving…as people. But that doesn’t mean you’d be happy dating them, or possibly facing a long future in their company.

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After the first flush of romance, how often a relationship is thrown off its smooth course by petty fights and arguments, differences of opinions and divergent lifestyles. A lot of relationships survive these rough winds, some sink and others just drag on. But it is interesting to note how distance affects these fighting couples.

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Everybody wants to find the perfect partner—someone with whom they can really connect. Here I’m going to list what to look for when considering who to date. No, when I mention the “perfect” partner, I don’t mean one who is flawless or without human failings. I’m referring to the ideal partner, the one who is right for you specifically. Of course, sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what your “type” is. This makes it difficult to narrow down exactly what you’re looking for.

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Personally, I am not a great believer in online dating. I believe that magic only happens by chance. But the fact remains that for millions of people yearning for romance, online dating is a great boon. For many people, it is extremely difficult to look for romance in the course of day to day personal interactions because of the way that society looks at them, or simply the way they view themselves. For these people with special needs, online dating sites present a world of opportunity.

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Of course for people like me who reach a state of nervous breakdown as soon as the word ‘romance’ is mentioned, it is absurd to be writing about the subject. But having successfully rebelled against the notion on Valentine’s Day, I am feeling quite benign towards the practice of this particular art form today. Perhaps it is the smell of flowers that all those ‘happy yesterday’ couples have thrown out of their windows as they sensibly go about their business post the event.

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Ever go out on a date you thought went great, only to find that you never hear back from the person again? What went wrong? You had a good time, you both smiled throughout the evening; nothing really terrible happened. Why the sudden loss of interest on their side?

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